


Don't Judge Me By The Colour

by ExhaustedCommonSense



Series: Watch Me Shift [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Female Newton Geiszler, Genderfluid Newton Geiszler, Trans Tendo Choi, mention of hermann/vanessa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 20:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14386569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExhaustedCommonSense/pseuds/ExhaustedCommonSense
Summary: I'm Newt and my gender is none of your business





	Don't Judge Me By The Colour

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Geek In The Pink by Jason Mraz
> 
> In my head, Jacob, Illia, and Newt all talk German at home, but I don't speak German so I wrote it in English.

Newton Geiszler is born to a father expecting a son and a mother who doesn’t even take note of the gender of her new baby before she leaves them behind.

Upon the discovery that his new child is in fact a daughter, Jacob Geiszler is just as thrilled as he would have been with a son. He names her Newton as he didn’t have any other names picked out and takes her home for his brother Illia to admire. Her mother has already gone; she has other priorities.

Newt is a bright little girl who is always asking questions. She is loud because no one tells her to be quiet, and she is curious because her family encourage her to learn. Her father teaches her music on a different piano every week and her uncle teaches her electronics.

At age six, she comes home with her first detention. It is the first time she is punished by the school system, but it won’t be the last. Her father and uncle ignore the note that the teacher sent and ask her what happened; she knows better than to lie to them.

“Steve Metcalf called me a girl,” she pouts, crossing her arms and glaring at the tiled kitchen floor. “I told him that I wasn’t and he called me a liar!”

Looking up at her father, her eyes beg him to understand how big of an insult it was to call her a liar. Feeling confused, but as patient as ever, Jacob gestures for her to finish her explanation.

“So I hit him,” she mutters angrily.

Jacob sighs and runs a hand down his face. “I don’t even know where to start,” he looks at his brother imploringly before looking back at his daughter. “You know better than to get into fights.”

“I said sorry,” she promises, looking anxious now that she knew that she was going to be punished. “I just got angry. He shouldn’t have called me a liar.”

“I know he shouldn’t,” Jacob agrees, lifting her up so that she could sit on his knee. “But I want to know why you told him that you’re not a girl.”

Newt scrunches up her face. “Because I’m not a girl. I was a girl yesterday. I’m a boy today.” She says it all in the tone of children everywhere who thought an adult was being an idiot.

“Right,” Jacob gets the feeling that he’s completely out of his depth. “Uncle Illia and I need a little talk, why don’t you go watch a film?”

His daughter – son? – nods and scoots off of his lap, running away before he can remember that she had been in trouble. Once she’s settled in the other room with Godzilla playing in the background, Jacob pushes the door nearly shut so that she won’t listen in.

“She’s a boy today,” he repeats, sitting back in front of Illia.

“Well, she was a girl yesterday,” Illia looks like he was trying not to laugh. “I suppose it’s only fair.”

“Please try to take this seriously,” Jacob begs. “My daughter is punching people for calling her a girl. This is probably something I need to be concerned about.”

Illia rolls his eyes. “She’s six years old. She’ll most likely grow out of it.”

“What if she doesn’t?” Jacob frets.

“Then you’ll have a son instead of a daughter just like the doctors promised.”

“Christ,” Jacob barks out a laugh. “We could finally use those ‘It’s a boy’ banners Scott bought.”

Newt does not grow out of it.

By the time she’s ten years old she has been fast tracked through most of her school years, her family barely managing to keep her from going too fast, and most people squint at her in confusion or assume that she’s a boy.

Her hair is cut short and spiked up, she wears jeans and t-shirts, and she worships science with the same fervour that some people worship gods. Her mother rings her once a year on Christmas and sends gender neutral presents that are most often musical; she’s sure that the nurse had said daughter, but no one would name a girl Newton. In the end, she thought it would be insensitive to ask the gender of her own child, and Jacob wouldn’t even know where to start anymore.

Puberty is torture for everyone involved and is the event that finally starts Newt’s weekly therapy sessions with someone much more qualified than Jacob. Her therapist diagnoses her with gender dysphoria and advises them on how to minimise the symptoms. She receives her first binder for her twelfth birthday.

When questioned, Newt says that she had no desire to start transitioning as it is her body and some days it feels righter than others. They try out just about every pronoun possible with her before she decides that she doesn’t care what pronouns people use. She uses female pronouns inside her own head but insists that that doesn’t mean she’s always a girl.

Her uncle likes to joke that she doesn’t have time for things like gender when there is still so much science to learn. Personally, Newt thinks that it’s more that she doesn’t understand why her gender is so important when there is so much science out there. She has other priorities and her gender isn’t one of them.

Always eager to learn, she’s accepted into MIT and quickly gains a reputation as a genius. She collects doctorates and Pokémon and her father quietly confesses that he thinks that she puts more effort into the latter.

Her classmates can’t decide if she was a boy or a girl and so use both masculine and feminine pronouns. She answers to both and is more than happy to accept either as her own. Long gone were the days where she was insulted to be defined.

“Are you a girl or a boy?” One classmate finally asks two years into her time at MIT. Other people look on in curiosity, they all want to know the answer, but thought that it would have been rude to ask. Newt isn’t close to anyone and doesn’t have any friends; both because she’s more concerned with knowledge and because she had started so young and makes no attempt to tone down her genius or loud personality.

Newt blinks at him. “I’m Newt,” she tells him, walking away before he can respond.

The same boy finds her later and gives her a gift with a grin to apologize for asking an insensitive question and then offers to take her out for a drink. She is only seventeen and can’t buy her own alcohol, but she has a fake ID that has been tried and tested. When she opens the gift, she is delighted to find a t-shirt that says: ‘I’m Newt and my gender is none of your business’. She thinks she falls a little bit in love with him for that.

She dates him for a few months and loses her virginity in the same t-shirt that he’d given her. He is her first boyfriend, but it eventually fizzles out as he becomes jealous of how quickly she surpasses him academically.

She lets him go, refusing to make herself smaller so that he can walk taller. By the time she is twenty, she has been at MIT for five years and has six doctorates to show for it. She’s offered a teaching position and she doesn’t even hesitate before accepting it.

Her personality runs into her teaching and her classes become booked solid for a year in advance. Her students absorb everything she teaches, thrilled to finally have a professor that doesn’t just lecture but instead encourages interaction and makes comparisons between science and science-fiction. Her students address her as ‘Doctor Gieszler’ and if anyone is confused by her, it tends to be more because of her age than her gender.

For a – slightly drunken – twenty-first birthday present to herself, she gets her first tattoo and delights in watching as a small Godzilla comes to life on the inside of her ankle. Her father sighs and her uncle comforts him by pointing out that at least it didn’t get infected. She goes home with her tattoo artist and receives no reaction when she tells her family that she has a new girlfriend, Jenny.

They spend the majority of their dates at loud concerts, letting the music vibrate though them, shouting the lyrics back and feeling more alive than at any other time. Newt rediscovers her love of music and discovers the beauty that’s hidden in metal music.

For her next birthday, Jenny tattoos a tiny Tokyo on the other side of her ankle for free and then buys her a strap-on so that she can fuck her against a wall. With Jenny, Newt finally begins to explore her more feminine urges; feeling comfortable enough with her to know that she won’t see her any different regardless of how she presents.

Nail varnish and eyeliner become a daily companion; she falls in love with her reflexion and they spend a few memorable nights in front of mirrors. Newt never feels more like herself than when she’s wearing a binder under her shirt, skinny tie and skinnier jeans, with black rimmed eyes and black nails.

She fantasises that this is the woman that she will marry. And then K-Day happens. A monster that no one could have imagined comes out of the sea and tramples San Francisco. It takes three nuclear missiles to stop it and an untold number of people are killed.

Newt watches the news footage as it happens, clasping tight to Jenny’s hand as they stare at the devastation. It takes them five days to stop it; five days of horror and wondering if this is the end. Internet connection moves sluggishly as everyone tries to contact family; by the end everyone knows someone who lost a loved one.

Slightly abusing her teaching privilege, Newt’s fist act in the aftermath is to contact the scientists that seem to be willing to do something about this. Everybody is celebrating with relief, but she knows that this isn’t the end and she needs to find someone who agrees. Her emails get through to a Dr Hermann Gottlieb whose father is working on how an event like this could have happened.

Newt is fascinated to an extent that Jenny finds disturbing; she tries to explain that she wants to know how the Kaiju work, she wants to learn everything about this real-life Godzilla. Jenny clings to the idea that it’s over and they argue constantly whenever the topic comes up.

Six months later Manila in the Philippines is attacked by a second monster that the world has dubbed Kaiju. Society as a whole is forced to accept that this isn’t going to stop and an alert system is put in place.

Jenny accuses her of being too gleeful about the Kaiju coming back and their relationship can’t take anymore. Newt is still mourning the loss of the woman she had planned a life with when a third Kaiju attacks Mexico and she makes the conscious decision to put her personal life to one side: she is a scientist first and a person second.

However, she does go out and find a new tattoo artist, one that is willing to tattoo Trespasser – the first Kaiju through the drift – onto her back. For better or for worse, this giant monster changed her life and sent her plans spinning in another direction. Something like that deserves to be immortalised on her skin.

She emails Hermann weekly and is relieved when he responds just as often. They talk mostly about the Kaiju and the efforts being made to stop them, but the occasional bit of personal information makes it through too. She learns that he’s engaged to a wonderful woman called Vanessa and compliments him on his ability to balance a personal life with the struggles of work.

The next attack she watches alone. Her students are scared and some of them stop turning up; she doesn’t blame any of them for finding comfort elsewhere. The ones that stay have the same determined light that she sees in the mirror every morning; the drive to keep learning until they find something they can use to fight.

The Pan Pacific Defence Corps is established two months later and one of their first acts is to create the Jaeger Program. Newt is interested by the idea behind the Jaeger’s, and Hermann seems bashfully proud as he explains them to her. She’s still more fascinated by the Kaiju, but she’s also incredibly relieved that someone is creating something that could be used long term.

She exchanges ideas with Hermann on how to improve the Jaeger’s when they begin to encroach within her biology territory. The first Jaeger to be launched is named Brawler Yukon and Hermann takes it personally when the first pilot dies in the attempt to pilot the great machine. She offers as much expertise as she can about the Pons and studies them in between emails.

Eventually, two pilots manage to Drift using the Pons while sharing the load and Brawler Yukon succeeds in fighting and killing the Kaiju Karloff that attempts to attack Vancouver. In celebration, Newt goes out and gets Karloff inked onto the top of her left arm and sends her congratulations by email.

A mixture of joy and relief must cause Hermann to lighten up, because he becomes more willing to share personal information following their victory. He confides that his engagement was arranged by his father, and that while Vanessa is his best friend, he doesn’t want to marry her. In return, Newt shares her heart-break over losing her long-time girlfriend because she came across as obsessed with the Kaiju.

Her contract with MIT draws to an end by the time she’s twenty-six and she immediately receives offers from everywhere she can imagine; mostly people offer to fund her research on the Kaiju of which her studying has made her a bit of an expert. She wants to become the leading expert in Kaiju; she wants to know everything about them, especially how to stop them.

The best offer comes from the PPDC who are willing to give her the first look at any Kaiju specimens that can be detoxicated. Her father and uncle aren’t happy with the idea of her being so close to the danger, but they understand that it is something she feels that she needs to do. Her mother is upset over the fact that she’s enlisted, but it’s more of the fact that she still hasn’t achieved any true musical talent that she’s most upset by.

She’s one of many new recruits and she’s never sure if it’s because of the number of people who sign up at the same time, her name, or how she presents herself, but she opens her new dorm room to find that she’s sharing with a guy instead of the girl she expected to get.

“I’m Tendo Choi,” he introduces himself, shaking her hand and rocking on the balls of his feet. “And I’m a trans male. I’m going to get this out of the way now in case you’re a transphobic asshole.”

“Huh,” she blinks at him. “I’m Newton Geiszler, but you can call me Newt. I think we might have actually been paired on purpose; I’m,” she pauses and struggles to find the right word. “You can use any pronoun you want for me.”

She’d gone through a lot of words with her therapist to try pin her gender down, and the best fit they could find is genderfluid, but she prefers to not label herself unless necessary. It’s comforting to know that there is a word she can use to explain if she ever wants to, and her father likes having something he can research and understand, but she is happy to let people make their own assumptions.

Tendo looks a little thrown by her introduction, but he doesn’t question her on it. Thankfully, they get on really well and are quick friends. He seems to take her words to heart and begins using non-binary they/them pronouns for her which is a nice change. Some people notice it and correct themselves to match, but most simply use masculine or feminine ones.

As usual practise, all recruits are tested for Drift compatibility, regardless of their speciality. It’s hard to find compatible pilots, so everyone is aware when they sign up that there is a chance of being chosen as a pilot, slim though it may be.

Tendo and Newt test together as they figure that if they aren’t Drift compatible with each other then they aren’t likely to be compatible with anyone else either. They aren’t disappointed when they fail because they never truly believed they were meant to be pilots. During their year at the academy, Tokyo is attacked three times in three months, proving that the attacks are becoming more frequent just as Hermann had predicted.

Much to their disappointment, Tendo is shipped off to the Anchorage Shatter Dome in Alaska while Newt is sent to the Los Angeles Shatter Dome. She doesn’t envy Tendo; going to a place that had already earned the nickname ‘The Icebox’. Instead, she is going to a brand-new shatter dome that had only opened that summer.

When she informs Hermann of where she has been stationed, she is thrilled to find that he is going to be in the same town for a conference before he is to report to the Tokyo Shatter Dome. She is strangely nervous about meeting him in person even though they have been corresponding by email for three years.

As it turned out, she should have been more nervous than she was. Their meeting is a disaster which concluded with them both swearing to never come into contact with each other again. She has no idea how it had gone so wrong; she had asked one question about his research and it had somehow devolved into a shouting match in which he managed to insult both her biology doctorate and her graduation from MIT.

A part of her she hadn’t even known was there is heartbroken. It’s stupid since he is still engaged and they’d never met in person before, but that foreign part of her had hoped that they would connect and he’d understand her. Instead, he sneered at the tattoo peaking out of the back of her shirt and declared her and her education to be useless. Cynically, some part of her wonders if his hatred had anything to do with her gender. Either way, she is relieved he’s to be working on the other side of the world.

A month later Yamarashi tears its way through her city the same way it feels like Hermann tore through her heart. Once they are free to leave the Kaiju shelter under the dome, the first thing Newt does is get the Kaiju tattooed onto her left forearm. She finds the symbolism to be fitting as the two Kaiju she relates to Hermann are transformed into a sleeve.

By the time she’s twenty-nine, she has been with the PPDC for three years and has become the leading expert on Kaiju biology. People take one look at her Kaiju sleeve and judge her harshly, but she refuses to change herself or her passions. She gets Clawhook tattooed onto her right thigh when the Kaiju gifts her with her fist intact liver.

A new Mark-4 Jaeger, Mammoth Apostle, is stationed at the Los Angeles Shatter Dome and she has a brief fling with one of the pilots before his co-pilot steps in and accuses her of cheering on the Kaiju instead of the Jaeger’s. She’s hurt but unsurprised when no one steps in to defend her; when confronted the pilot tells her that groupies like her are only good for a fuck.

Her assistants are cycled in and out without her even noticing; her focus is completely on her work, often causing her to work through the nights.  She emails Tendo whenever she remembers, but he is the only friend that she has. Her family becomes concerned about how isolated she is, but she insists that she doesn’t need anything more than her work.

A month after her thirtieth birthday the first Category Three Kaiju tries to advance on Anchorage and she hates how her body tenses with fear for Hermann. Knifehead is stopped before he makes it to the shore and his defeat documents one of the first times a pilot has successfully piloted a Jaeger solo.

Following her theme, she tattoos Knifehead onto her left thigh and silently ponders the fact that the left side of her body is transforming into a shrine for her feelings towards Hermann. She knows he must be furious when his father urges for the Jaeger funding to be cut and replaced with constructing a wall. She scoffs out loud at the idea that any wall could keep the Kaiju out.

Unfortunately, he apparently has enough sway that their funding is cut two months later and construction on an Anti-Kaiju Wall begins. She doesn’t offer any complaints when she’s shipped to the Hong Kong Shatter Dome; she can do her work from anywhere in the world as long as her specimens are shipped to her.

“Well, look what the Kaiju dragged in,” A familiar voice drawls upon her arrival at the dome. She grins to see Tendo waiting to greet her and doesn’t hesitate before hugging him in front of everyone.

“I think you’ll find I’m the one dragging in the Kaiju,” she says sternly, gesturing behind her where her assistants were wheeling her specimens towards her new lab. “It’s good to see you man, I’m sorry I missed the wedding.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tendo shrugs and puts an arm over her shoulders, steering her inside the dome. “Everyone has bigger concerns these days.”

He drops her off outside the Marshall’s office and tells her that he’ll try to meet her for dinner providing there are no attacks. The Marshall takes one look at her chipped nail varnish, eye liner, and tattoos and sighs. “Dr Gottlieb is going to love this.”

He looks at her sternly. “You’ll be sharing your lab space with the head of our K-Science division, Dr Gottlieb.”

“Hermann’s here?” She asks, her heart sinking and jumping at the same time. “I should probably tell you that we don’t get on.”

“You’ll have to make do,” Marshall Pentecost glares.

“Yes, sir,” she salutes before leaving, dreading going down to her lab.

However, her specimens need to be properly assessed and she couldn’t trust anyone else to do it. Taking a deep breath, she keeps her head high as she walks towards the K-Science Division. Before she even gets to the lab, she can hear Hermann complaining about the Kaiju remains and winces, knowing they were off to another bad start.

“You,” Hermann scowls at her when she finally musters up the courage to enter the lab.

“Hey, Hermann,” she rolls her eyes. “Guess we’re going to be working together.”

“It’s Dr Gottlieb,” he corrects angrily. “And I would advise you, Dr Geiszler, to keep your specimens to your side of the lab.”

“Call me Newt,” she says easily, moving over to check everything after the long trip to Hong Kong.

It is disheartening, but not surprising, to find that Hermann hasn’t warmed to her during their years apart. In no time at all they pick up their previous argument and quickly discover that working together is going to be an exercise in restraint. On their first day sharing the lab, Hermann puts down a line of tape and refused to remove it even when she accuses him of acting like a child.

As promised, Tendo meets her for dinner and laughs at the disgruntled look on her face as they sit down. Fortunately, the day isn’t a complete bust as at least the food is better than it had been at the Los Angeles Shatter Dome as it seems Hong Kong isn’t currently being forced to ration their meals.

“I thought you’d be happy to work with Dr Gottlieb,” Tendo teases. He knows from their time at the Academy that she’d been in contact with him for a while and he’d had a good laugh at her on the phone when she rang him before they met up in person because she was nervous.

“He’s an asshole,” she grumbles, poking at her spaghetti. “We’re like two negative magnets being forced together. Instant and completely mutual hatred.”

“Sure it is,” Tendo pokes at her shoulder where Karloff was inked down her arm. Thankfully, he drops the subject, perhaps seeing her misery on her face.

Being the nice guy that he is, Tendo attempts to introduce her to other people in the dome. Most people see her tattoos from where her shirt sleeves are rolled up and either ignore her or dismiss her. It is a reaction she is used to, but she honestly thinks Tendo is going to get into a fight when one of the Jaeger mechanics calls her a Kaiju groupie.

“Honestly, Dr Geiszler,” Hermann eyes her disdainfully. “It’s no wonder people call you a Kaiju groupie when you insist on painting your body with those monsters.” He waves a hand toward her bandaged right forearm where her latest addition, Atticon, has been inked.

“Your unsolicited advice is, as ever, ignored, Herms,” she bares her teeth at him.

The next year she celebrates Halloween by getting Ceramander – the latest in a growing list of Kaiju through the Breach – tattooed across her chest. She doesn’t regret the tattoo, but she spends a lot of time while it heals uncomfortable in her own skin when she realises that she can’t wear her binder until it heals.

She takes to hiding out in the lab and hunching on in herself to try disguise the bump on her chest. It’s a rare occasion that she regrets not having top surgery, but while she feels less dysphoric when wearing her binder for going out, she does love her chest and she loves how she looks either naked or in underwear.

What she doesn’t like, is how people look at her when they can see proof of her gender; she hates how they take one look at her chest and feel justified in slapping an unwanted label on her. Tendo lends her a baggy jumper that his wife knitted him for when she leaves the lab but begs her not to get Kaiju guts on it, which means she has to remove it for work.

If Hermann notices any difference in her, he doesn’t let on. It’s a strange relief that he doesn’t treat her any different regardless of how she presents herself. By the time her tattoo has healed, she feels comfortable enough in the lab to not wear her binder on the occasional day where she feels more feminine or her binder is hurting her.

Spinejackal and Taurax are added to her collection on her left shin and on the top of her right arm respectively before she turns thirty-three. Newt has never been more thankful to be unlocking the Kaiju’s secrets than when she found out Spinejackal was attacking Melbourne while Hermann was there for a conference.

He comes back with a permanent limp but is alive and whole. She teases him gently about the fact that he’d been saved by Striker Eureka whose missiles could only pierce Kaiju skin thanks to her research. Internally, she’s freaking out about how close he came to being killed and how much he means to her.

Newt works on every scrap of sample she can get her hands on as another New Year passes and the people around her celebrate the beginning of 2023. Hermann remains her only constant as more and more people are let go during the budget cuts.

2023 is a slow year for her as they experience no new attacks. Her specimens run out and she is left going over everything she’s collected previously. The world lets out a cautious breath at the thought that maybe it’s over even while Hermann puts more work in than before. They both know that this isn’t the end.

In April 2024, the first attack since November 2022 occurs. A Category-3 Kaiju is killed by Cherno Alpha and the world despairs once again; putting their faith in a wall they can hide behind. The attack is the first of eight that year. In August she inks Hound onto her right shin and she realises that she’s nearly run out of space; she hopes it’s a sign that it’s nearly over.

Mammoth Apostle is killed in October and she is subdued as she works on the Kaiju that killed them. He hurt her, but he didn’t deserve to die. Hermann must have noticed her mood, because he lets her play her loud music and doesn’t even complain. A marked difference to the previous years when he reported her for harassment with a list of complaints.

Mutavore proves just how pointless the idea of a Wall is as they spend the New Year watching in horror as he tears through it as if it is made of tin foil and rampages through Sydney before being brought down by Striker Eureka. Hermann comes with her to direct the people responsible for shipping the remains to her and he criticises her as she puts her foot in her mouth upon meeting Gipsy Danger’s ex-pilot Raleigh.

Desperation is apparent throughout the whole dome but especially in their lab as both Hermann and Newt work for days without sleeping, only pausing to crash on the ratty couch some long-gone assistant had put in. Hermann warns of a Double Event and Newt insists that the best way forward is to Drift with a Kaiju.

She doesn’t blame the Marshall for not taking her seriously; she’s running on two days without sleep, hasn’t showered in a week, and probably looks as deranged as she feels. However, she knows that she’s right; they’ve learnt everything that they can from the dead bodies, they need a direct link to learn anything new, and she knows the part of brain that she has might be her best shot.

Hermann is proved right as two Kaiju attack Hong Kong at the same time. She uses the distraction to fire up her Pon system; she made it from scrap all over the dome and can only pray that it works. She spares a quick thought to apologise to Hermann if he finds her dead body, and one to her family and Tendo who she knows will be the only people who will mourn her.

The Drift hits her and it’s nothing like she expected.

Her mind is blue.

Blue blood. Blue sky from her childhood. Blue skin. Blue water at the pool. Blue water of the sea.

Their memories clash and fight in her brain as the Drift stops abruptly. She opens her eyes to see Hermann looking concerned and horrified. It takes a second for her to remember how to speak and she’s not entirely sure that her words don’t come out in German instead of the English she was attempting. Either way, Hermann understands her and goes to find the Marshall, but only after helping her onto a chair and giving her some water.

Her hands shake as she tries to drink. Her thoughts are muddled and it’s painful to think. Was the memory of swimming hers or theirs? The feeling of being tall, was it from sitting on her father’s shoulders as a child? Or was it from towering over cities? The crushing feeling of loneliness, was is from being away from the Hive mind? Or was it from being socially isolated trying to save the world? Which world was she trying to save? The blue blue blue of home or the loud place with the tiny creatures?

She’s barely aware of talking, stuttering out what she’d learnt from the Kaiju brain. The Marshall orders her to do it again and her mind finally kicks back into action. Newt agrees immediately and stumbles up to grab her jacket, fumbling with the card he gives her.

Before leaving, she catches Hermann’s eye and knows that he’s figured out the same thing as her: Drifting with another brain will kill her. She hopes that she’ll live long enough to give them the information that they need. She knows she should feel scared, but all she feels is determined; she can do this, she can save the world.

Of course, the fear kicks in when the Kaiju seem to be targeting her in particular. A small part of her marvels at the beauty of Otachi up close even while the rest of her screams in terror. The memories from the Drift press at her to surrender herself and re-join the Hive mind, but she fights it and forces herself to remember that they would kill her, that they would kill everyone.

It feels like she’s been running on pure adrenalin for years by the time she’s ready to Drift again. The baby Kaiju was a surprise, but she’s not going to turn down such an opportunity. However, the biggest surprise of the day turns out to be Hermann deciding to try and save her. He brushes it off by saying it’s for the good of the world, but she can see the concern in his eyes.

The Drift doesn’t feel any less painful split between two than it did on her own and she recklessly hopes that it doesn’t kill Hermann, let it just kill her.

She feels the moment their minds connect and he catches her final thought. It’s quickly overwhelmed by everything else.

Her – his? – leg hurts from the constant running around.

His – her? – ribs ache with a sharp pain from the binder.

Their hearts beat in time, speeding up under the pressure.

A childhood of an only child whose father wants desperately to understand her and whose mother is replaced with an uncle.

A childhood of one child among three siblings, father applying the pressure and frowning when he buckles, mother concerned with his sister.

A memory of life that they’re too young to have lived: born with the instinct to kill, born connected, not born to a mother but to an older copy of themselves.

Hope, disappointment, hurt, relief, joy, love taints her memories as her mind automatically shares the version of him she sees.

Scorn, confusion, anger, fondness, fear, love tints his memories as she sees herself in all her manic glory.

Fury, hunger, alarm, frustration, pride, hate hits them like a battering ram as they see their plan crumbling before them.

The Drift ends with a gasp and Hermann immediately throws up while Newt barely refrains from doing the same. They exchange a look and then make their way back to the dome as quickly as possible. There will be time later for personal revelations, right now they need to save the world.

The Jaeger’s have already been deployed by the time they get back, but they burst through LOCCENT and fight over the mic as they pass on as much information as they can before standing back and leaning on each other.

After nearly twelve years at war, the Breach is finally closed on January 12th 2025\. The dome celebrates and waits for the victorious pilots to be returned. For the first time in her life, the last thing Newt wants to do is party; she wants a shower and a bed.

Either thinking the same thing, or picking up her thoughts from the Ghost Drift, Hermann nods and steers them out of LOCCENT and towards their dorms. They should have gone to the lab and filled in a report, or even gone to medical to check for brain damage.

Instead, they stumble through the doorway of Hermann’s room and strip before climbing into the shower. Newt laughs slightly hysterically at the thought that she’s wanted to shower with Hermann for years and now she is it isn’t even sexual.

“Later,” Hermann kisses her forehead.

Too tired to protest, she finishes her shower and they quickly get dry before curling up in bed. She’s careful to sleep on his left side so as not to aggravate his bad leg any further. In response to her silent concern, he curls an arm around her so that his hand can stroke the tattoos on her left side that he now knows are for him.

They sleep for twenty-four uninterrupted hours before Tendo is sent down to wake them up with orders to collect their reports. While they write up their reports in the lab, Tendo informs them of everything they missed while sleeping – mostly a massive party – and then tells them to head to medical next.

Medical is furious as them for not coming in sooner and orders them straight onto a bed to be checked over, not even arguing about them sitting on the same bed. On the bed across from them, Raleigh and Mako sleep curled up together. It’s normal for pilots to stay close to each other after a Drift and by now everyone knows that the two scientists Drifted together.

“You broke up with Vanessa?” She confirms, pushing him backwards so that they can lean against the headboard.

“I did,” he nods, watching the doctor bustle around. “My father was most displeased, but Vanessa took it well and we’ve remained amicable.”

“Good, then you’re not cheating when I do this,” she twists around and kisses him. It was meant to be a quick kiss just to prove her intentions, but it ended up going on for a bit longer than they’d planned. A giggle breaks them apart and they look up to see Mako covering her mouth with a hand while Raleigh smirks at them.

“You’re all lucky you didn’t receive any serious injuries,” the doctor announces to all of them, drawing the attention away from their kiss. “Dr Geiszler, I’m concerned about the effects Drifting with a Kaiju will have on you, please come to me immediately if you start experiencing any unusual symptoms. You’re physically healthy now that I’ve bandaged up your forehead, but I will warn you against wearing a binder for a few weeks. Your ribs look a little bruised from the strain of the past few days of wearing it.”

“Dr Gottlieb, the same goes for you. If you experience anything you shouldn’t be, you are to come in immediately,” she gives them both a stern glance. “Please also insure Dr Geiszler follows my instructions. You’re both free to go, though please be aware that it could take up to a month for your eyes to heal fully.”

Raleigh and Mako are freed from medical straight after them so they all make their way down to the mess together. There’s a moment of silence when they enter and then cheers erupt. Tendo saunters up to them and grabs Raleigh in a hug before inviting the four of them to a table in the middle.

“We’re going on a world tour,” he announces gleefully. “The brass is trying to spin a positive take on the fact that we technically went rogue. Hansen’s taken over as Marshall and he’s refusing to let them take any credit for what’s happened. He’s currently organising a press tour for the six of us since we know the most about what’s happened.”

As predicted, the new Marshall Hansen does indeed call them into his office to tell them all about the tour. They are to travel around for six months and then they will be free from the PPDC to take any other offers they want. It is a given that they have all been offered any position they can dream of.

The tour is to start the day before her thirty-fifth birthday, so the next day Newt convinces Hermann to come into Hong Kong with her and watch as she gets Otachi’s tongue tattooed in a spiral on her stomach, circling her belly button. Hermann grumbles the whole time, but he never leaves her side.

In the middle of night as they lay curled up together, she runs her hand through his hair while he sleeps and wonders how they haven’t been doing this for years. She wonders if this is forever now and hopes it is because she can’t imagine a future without him in it.

Proving the Ghost Drift never really went away, Hermann proposes the next day, pulling out a ring with a Kaiju blue stone.

“You’ll excuse me for not kneeling down,” he smiles and hands the ring over when she makes to grab it off of him. If he had been kneeling down, her hug would have knocked him over, but they end up on the floor soon after anyway as they celebrate their engagement.

The others congratulate them when they spot the ring and she dibs Tendo as her best man before Hermann can. Her father and uncle are thrilled that she isn’t alone anymore and Newt jokes that they’re happier about her engagement than they are about her saving the world.

Her mother thanks them for the invitation and promises to be there, finally recognising the genius in her child now that she’s proven it to the whole world. Hermann’s family are confused about where the person he is marrying came from since he hasn’t had any contact with them in years. It goes without saying that his father isn’t invited. Vanessa, however, agrees to be his best man.

“Does this mean I get to walk you down the aisle?” Her father questions.

“Sure,” Newt laughs. “But I’m not wearing a dress.”

The wedding is a quiet affair with only family and close friends from the Shatter Dome invited.

As promised, Newt wore a tuxedo.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [@exhaustedcommonsense](https://exhaustedcommonsense.tumblr.com)


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